Early writings; 10-12 years.

I

I'm TEN years old today!

Father woke me up and sang for me, it was really bad, but it made me laugh.

He brought me a tray from the kitchen and gifts!

I got a new dress, a new doll and she's very pretty with a dress that matches mine! And he said that because I'm a big girl now, well almost an adult really, he has a big surprise for me too and to guess. I couldn't guess though. Master Thomas gave me a new book to write this in, the one he gave me when I was eight is full of drawings and it's not really good for a big girl any more.

I went riding with Louisa and Corinn and someone from the stables to keep an eye on us. It was very funny and we were laughing the whole way at something Corinn said her older sister had told her about a boy. I don't even like boys, but Corinn and Louisa are older than me and they always talk about boys. Louisa said that I'd probably have to marry early because of my mother's illness, I didn't want to talk about it.

We had roast and cake for dinner and father read to me like he always does.

Then he said he had something important to tell me, that he was... corresponding, that means writing letters, with an old friend of his from long ago, Lord Dunn and he has a son who's a few years older than me and father and Lord Dunn think it'd be a good idea if me and Baloryn, that's his name, we get married when we're old enough. I told him I didn't want to, I don't even like boys! But he said that I wouldn't have to until I'm twenty, that's a whole ten more years.

Praise be to the Gods and goodnight!



II

Mother had a fit today and father is really angry with the nurse because it happened in the middle of dinner and I got scared and hid under the table in the kitchen. Mrs. Brook pretended like I wasn't there, like she always does, and put a slice of cake on the table. I could hear them yelling, but the cake made it all a bit better. Maybe when I'm older, father will tell me what's wrong with mother.



III

Master Thomas, that's my teacher, says my stammer is getting better and he says it's because I'm writing in my diary now instead of drawing and because I practice more. I hope he's right.

Nath, the stable boy, stopped teasing me when I was six, his father found out and he got it with a stick in his behind. Now we're sort of friends instead, but I know father is keeping an eye on him because he just works in the stables.



IV

Miss Ivery, that's my governess, is almost like a real mother it feels like. She's really pretty with long golden hair, she can sit on it when she takes it down, but normally she keeps it put up in a bun. She's the only one who can braid my hair properly, so when she wasn't here the other day to do it, I had a fit and wouldn't let anyone else touch me. Father sent me to my room and I spent all day there with messy hair. We didn't make up until in the evening when Miss Ivery came back. I heard them say something about not having a proper mother to raise me, but then they closed the door to the living room.



V

Louisa came to take tea with me today because father is going on a trip and Miss Ivery is busy with something she won't tell me. Mrs. Brook let us sit in the parlor by the window and we pretended to be real grown up ladies until I dropped my cup and it broke into a million pieces on the floor.

Louisa told me that her older sister, Matilda, is getting married next week and she's very upset because she doesn't know the man. I told her that father thinks I should marry Lord Dunn's son, Baloryn, and Louisa said that I'll be just as upset about it as her sister because I've never met him. So now I'm upset and Miss Ivery still hasn't come back to help me.



VI

My heart is broken, I think I will die of sorrow today. If I do, I want Corinn to have Shay, that's the doll father gave me when I turned ten. Corinn says she doesn't play with dolls any more, but I know she does and it's a secret I'm not allowed to tell anyone in the whole world.

It's not like I have anyone to tell it to anyway, I only tell Miss Ivery my secrets, but she is LEAVING! She's going to marry Master Thomas and that means she'll have children of her own, so she can't look after me any more so I am heart broken! I don't like Master Thomas either any more and father aside he used to be the only man I really did like. They told me I will still see Miss Ivery almost every day, but I don't care! I don't care about this stupid diary any more either and I'm never going to write in it again!

I'll be twelve soon anyway, I'm too old to keep a diary.